so yeah...haven't written in this for a while so i thought i would take my little time and just write.

so i'm on the way to losing my apartment cause we don't have enough money.  thought we would but i guess we don't.  kinda feels like when crystal moved out all of a sudden.  what the fuck am i gonna do about it?  i guess there isn't much that i can do except hope i get enough money by the time i need it cause i will tell you one thing.  if i don't i am gonna be one pissed off person.  i tell you that right now. 

i wish i was moving to go live with matt.  i wish i was done with school at the end of this semester and find a job that i want.  i wish i could have many children with matt right now.  i want to start my life with him.  i can't wait until i do.  than the only bullshit i have to deal with is that bullshit at work and maybe one and a while at home.  but i wouldn't mind dealing with matt and mine's bullshit, cause it really isn't bullshit to me.  it's just us loving each other.  and of course i love that. 

i'm just really tired of this.  wondering if i can buy food or have to save it for rent.  i'm sick of it!  almost a month of this shit.  maybe a little more.  since CRYSTAL is the reason i'm in the shit hole.  she told me she could handle it.  god i fucking HATE her.  i hope she ends up in jail or she comes crawling back so i could just shut the door right in her face and scream fuck you.  yeah...that would feel wonderful.  i really don't trust anyone.  matt's the only one i really do trust right now.  he's the only one who seems to wanna help me.  troy can't help.  he has no money and he's suppose to help me but he hasn't really, and it's kinda pissing me off.  i kinda wanna cry.  really bad.  god damit...this sucks......